Show, Don’t Tell

The Task at Hand

Someone I know recently asked me to read a screenplay that he had just started working on. Obviously, with my interest in screenwriting, and the movie-making process in general, I jumped at the chance to read it and give my feedback. Granted the script was only five pages long at the time, but it was something new for me. Now, I’ve read many screenplays, and have had people give me feedback on mine, but have never been asked for any type of feedback on anyone else’s.

I received the script in an email and opened it that night when I sat down at my computer. I read it straight through the first time and found the first five pages to be a pretty good read and the overall idea to be very interesting. The script was also in the correct format, which is always a good thing…especially because some of mine haven’t been, when I’ve given them to people to read in the past. One thing I did notice about the script, is that the writer ended up breaking one of the fundamental rules of screenwriting. (Though, to be fair, I also find myself doing this all the time.)

In short, the rule is: ‘Show, Don’t Tell’. When writing a script, you have to be very conscious of the fact that what you are writing will (hopefully) end up on the big screen. This means that your screenplay has to be ‘visual’ and that the reader has to be able to ‘see’ what is going on in the story. If the reader can’t visualize the action, then how is the director going to interpret your script? The way you craft a screenplay will be completely different than the way you would write a novel; the main difference being that the consumer (movie-viewer) will not have access to a character’s thoughts.

In a screenplay, the character’s actions are what propels the story forward, while the dialogue reinforces these actions. As it goes in life, you can’t see what a person is thinking or feeling without also observing their actions (demeanor, expressions, etc.) Simply think of the adage, ‘actions speak louder than words’. Someone can say “I love you” to you, but that doesn’t really mean anything unless that person shows you that they love you…by his or her actions.

Practice Makes Perfect

Here are two examples of what not to do when writing a screenplay (the format is not correct because text editing is pretty limited on wordpress):

Example 1.) ANDREW: “So, I went into the gas station today to pick up some milk. A person walked in after me and held up the guy at the register. I had my headphones on and didn’t hear what was going on, so I went up to the register to try to pay for my milk, when all of a sudden…”

BORING! Why would anyone want to sit through a movie where the characters simply explain their actions? This scene would be more powerful if we saw it played out in front of us. And if a scene doesn’t move the script forward, it doesn’t need to be there.

Example 2.) Luke is extremely nervous. He knows that the company has been laying off workers left and right. He picks up the phone and calls his friend a few cubicles down, to see if he has returned from the boss’s office.

There are numerous things wrong with this. Let’s break this one down, sentence by sentence.

• a.) Luke is extremely nervous. We need to see that the character is nervous (i.e.: Luke repeatedly taps his pencil on the desk. His eyes dart back and forth to the people moving about the office…to his computer screen…to the clock on the wall.)
• b.) He knows that the company has been laying off workers left and right. This should have already been explained shown in previous scenes, and should be cut from this section of the script. As a reader, we should probably already know why Luke is nervous. If not, the screenwriter has failed at his or her job.
• c.) He picks up the phone and calls his friend a few cubicles down, to see if he has returned from the boss’s office. So he picks up the phone, but how do we know who he is calling and why? Sure, we read it in the script, but the director has to film the sequence…and the audience doesn’t have the benefit of reading the script. I would also totally re-write this part. (i.e.: Luke dials a number on his desk phone. We hear another phone ringing close-by. Clutching his phone to his ear, Luke stands up slowly, peering over the cubicle wall toward the corner office door on which black stenciled letters read, ‘Manager.’ Shadows move behind the frosted glass windows of the office. Luke turns his gaze toward a cubicle, a few rows down from his. He stands on tip toes, to get a better view of who may be there, but a ficus obscures his view. The nearby phone still rings. Dejected, Luke sits back down at his desk, hangs up his phone and looks at an instant message on his computer screen from Todd Johnson. It reads, ‘Uh oh. Called into the boss’ office. Wish me luck!‘ Luke rolls the cursor over Todd’s name, and we see that he has been idle for 25 minutes. Luke sits back in his chair and swallows hard.)

The Lesson

I’m such a nerd that when the screenplay was emailed to me, I read it and promptly sent it back that same night with all my notes/feedback. The harshest criticism I had: ‘Show, Don’t Tell.’ I guess sometimes we all still have to be reminded of that, whether we’re writing a script…or in life in general. I know I do.